Vow Renewal – Money Pit Or Celebration Worth Having?
Vow renewal trend – is it just a capitalist idea to make us spend thousands of more money for wedding vol.2? Or could there be – after all – a meaning and sweet sentiment in celebrating your marriage and the most intimate relationship with another person again after already promising yourself to each other. In this blogpost I delve into why vow renewal is a thing and why I’m seriously considering it.
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What Is A Vow Renewal?
Vow renewal is a celebration of marriage. According to wikipedia vow renewals have been popular in Italy and became more well known elsewhere after 1970’s.
At vow renewal a married couple reaffirms or renews their marriage vows, often followed by a party or reception with their closest family and friends.
Why Vow Renewal Feels Tacky For Me?
When I first stumbled into an idea of vow renewal I felt it was a cheap (ha!) imitation of a proper wedding with all the same elements, but done again just because. Vow renewals feel somehow a very capitalistic concept: a way to sell even more wedding stuff to people who are already married.
Now I realize that it is quite a harsh way of thinking about it but I’m still unable to lose the idea that businesses just want us to spend even more money. Do we need to make a number about celebrating a marriage already tied?
What Made Me Re-Think A Vow Renewal
The main reason why I started to really consider having a vow renewal was when my husband started his transition. We had our wedding party few years before the same-sex marriage law went through. On our wedding day pictures there’s two white dresses and big smiles.
Four years after we finally learned why my spouse had never felt at home in their body and we as a couple and he as a person started the transition to a man and wife. When I realized that he could never look at our wedding pictures and be comfortable what he saw I started to think about redoing our wedding portraits.
If we redid our wedding portraits, why not have a party when dressed for the occasion, I started to wonder. Maybe there would be something in the vow renewal after all…
Celebrating Life And Love
My husband’s grandma said once that all the excuses to celebrate are good ones. She’s a wise woman I think and has inspired us to bake a cake for any small celebrations life has offered. I realize I have been having so many prejudices towards vow renewals instead of embracing the possibility to get our friends and family into one place with good food and merry atmosphere.
Not two wedding are the same and it’s logical that the vow renewals aren’t the same either. People have so many different reasons to celebrate their unique path as a couple and can do it in different ways. It’s just the matter to find the right way for us.
Great Reasons For A Vow Renewal
1. Big anniversaries
We have been talking about having our vow renewal at our 10th anniversary year. When so many things in life are unstable having one person beside you a decade or even more is a reason for celebration.
2. Overcoming an obstacle
Major life events that you go through together are a good time to stop for a moment, tell how much it means that you’re doing all of it as a couple and be thankful of your married partner.
3. Having the wedding reception you missed before
Maybe you eloped, maybe you were short of money – vow renewal is a great opportunity to celebrate your marriage together with your loved ones. Now that you’re older and more established you can throw the party you always wanted but couldn’t before. Have fun with it!
4. Reconnecting after a rough patch
Marriages are not always easy and it’s normal to have some rocky times. When you’ve reconnected and came through even better than before you have a great opportunity to renew your vows and mean them even more. You can also write your vows anew to better reflect who you are now.
Vow Renewal Ideas
Here is some ideas I have gathered throughout my search to find something suitable for us and some thoughts about what vow renewal can look and be like. Similar to weddings, every vow renewal should look like the couple and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
1. Vow renewal is a change to do things differently
Earlier I talked about having a party if you’ve eloped, but it also works another way around. If you had a big wedding vow renewal could be your opportunity to make things super intimate just for you two. How about traveling somewhere you have always wanted and have your vow renewal there? Vow renewal isn’t second take on your wedding and it doesn’t have to be a copy of your day before. It’s a new occasion, new celebration of your relationship and I think it’s great to approach it like that.
2. Keep it intimate
Vow renewal is above all for you as a couple so it’s logical to take a intimate approach to it. Get your dearest people around you and forget extra pomp.
3. You don’t have to follow a typical wedding order
The idea of having a ‘ceremony’ is one of the main things that has been bothering me personally about vow renewals. When I realised that we don’t have to walk down the aisle or stand before quests like at our wedding I felt so relieved. I think we will skip that and instead have a moment at dinner table in front of our guests. Use your own intuition to find what works best for you two.
4. Invite people who couldn’t make in the first time
Maybe you have made dear friends after your wedding that you would have loved to have there. Maybe some people just couldn’t make it before. Or have just the ones you really like and love instead of all the distant relatives or work buddies you might have invited for your wedding all those years before.
My Tips For Vow Renewal Etiquette
As I said before, every vow renewal is different and you should do it as you wish. Yet, I wanted to give few tips that I have encountered about vow renewal etiquette and practical aspects of vow renewal celebrations.
1. Don’t ask for presents
Vow renewal is not a wedding and that’s why wedding registry doesn’t apply here. You’re most likely not two young people putting up your first home together so asking for gifts is bad taste. People might still want to give you something, but don’t go asking for things.
2. Wearing a new wedding dress is a bad idea
Again, vow renewal is not a wedding so picking a traditional wedding dress is odd. On the other hand you can absolutely wear white if you want and you can pick something gorgeous and beautiful.
Some people wear their original wedding dress and accessorize it differently to give it a new and more relaxed feel. Go with your gut with this one and consider what kind of event you’re planning.
3. Skip the bridesmaids, groomsmen and other bridal party
It’s a great idea to invite your original bridal party to your vow renewal, but having them perform the task again would be weird in my opinion. Firstly: you’ve been married for years and living together so there’s no need to give anyone away and secondly: you don’t need anybody stand as a moral support for an event you have already had.
4. Parents aren’t typically hosting vow renewals
But sometimes kids or friends want to host an event for a married couple. That’s actually super sweet in my mind. Yet there is no need to name the hosts in invitations. While parents are traditionally congratulated during the reception there’s no need for other hosts to be congratulated like that at vow renewals. Let’s save it for the couple.
5. Do include your kids if you have any
If you have had kids after your wedding a vow renewal can be big deal for them. Some children feel at certain age jealousy for not having been able to attend their parent’s wedding (for obvious reasons). A vow renewal is a chance for them to be part of your special day and it’s also a great opportunity to share stories about how their parents met and how their family came to be.
This has been wonderful opportunity for me to rethink vow renewal with you guys! If you liked the article do pin it and share it forward. I would also love to hear your tips about renewing wedding vows and celebrating marriage after being together several years. Any tips for me?
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Love,
Iida
Iida Silvennoinen
Designer, author, blogger
Iida is a bridal designer at Heili Bridal and her passion is to help brides feel special in their big day. She grew up in the middle of wedding dresses and has been dressing brides in all shapes and sizes for years. She loves gardening and relaxed evenings at home.
Iida Silvennoinen is the author of The Wedding Dress Book in which she walks the bride through the wedding dress searching and shopping.
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